She was devastated when this woman found out that her husband and his family was abusing their youngest brother, and she decided to take action.
My husband comes from a big family – four brothers and two sisters – raised by a single mother.
The youngest of his siblings is J. In the six years I’ve known J, he’s always seemed awkward and a little too quiet and socially inept. I have always had a special fondness towards J because he’s such a sweet person and I was a little awkward growing up myself.
J has been struggling with some classes and I’ve been helping him. My husband took me on a special dinner night to thank me for this and it was there that he revealed why J sometimes struggles. Apparently, their dad who is now dead left their mom over accusations that J was a product of infidelity. He was not. But their dad was super paranoid about infidelity and treated his wife like property. The father started abusing J when J was as young as two, beating him. He left shortly thereafter and passed away a few years after that.
The abuse didn’t stop there. My MIL picked up where the father left off. The beatings and abuse are too graphic and unspeakable for me to detail here. It’s disgusting and inhumane. My husband said that all the siblings took part including himself. When I could no longer take listening to the details and the extent to which my husband participated I asked him why and how he could do those things. He went into full-on defense mode when he saw how furious I was and said they were told he was not their brother.
Like that’s a valid excuse? He said the family buried it and doesn’t talk about it. That J started defending himself at about 13 and the abuse stopped then. I asked him if anybody had apologized to J. He said he doesn’t need an apology and that he just needs to forget what happened.
Since that night three weeks ago, I have been unable to be affectionate in any way towards my husband. It’s like I went from totally in love to totally repulsed by him. He’s suddenly somebody I don’t even know. I honestly don’t know why J has chosen to stay around all these people and I’m disgusted with myself for marrying one. Last weekend we had a backyard cook out as we often do. Most of his siblings were here. J knocked over a pitcher of Iced tea. He’s a little shaky and a little clumsy but it was obviously an accident.
My MIL went off and started berating him and called him an idiot and a few other names. She started to berate him about his hands and how they shake so much and told him to get control of it and stop shaking. I gave my husband a look, like, “Hey jump in here.” He didn’t do anything. I lost it. I went completely crazy on her and told her that maybe if she hadn’t beat him and other things…
At this point my husband jumped in and told me to take it easy on his mom. I told her to leave and she told everybody to leave with her. J only stayed because I practically begged him to stay but she told him to leave too. I tried to talk to my husband about what happened and why I went off. He told me to mind my own business about his family business. I told him to leave at this point. He reluctantly left and has been calling, and texting me non-stop to forgive him.
I filed for divorce after a few conversations with my husband. He blames J for our divorce and became very threatening. At one point he said he would turn walk away from me and our two kids if I didn’t stop the divorce process. I called his bluff and told him, “Good, go, we’d be better off.” In my state it takes six months to finalize divorce with children involved. I have sole custody and he never filed for joint custody which is good.
Now onto J.
He’s in therapy and lives with my parents. He’s sticking it out with school even though he has anxiety and depression. He’s fighting really hard to heal. Sometimes he has setbacks and is just like a broken down little boy. He has a very strong will and spirit and sometimes I wonder how far he would have gone in life if his family hadn’t totally broken him.
His siblings and mom still try to contact him and guilt him for not staying with his mom to “take care of her as she ages.” They all agreed that J’s life would be dedicated to taking care of their mother. He actually feels guilty about not fulfilling that. He has a long way to go before he realizes that his life is his to do as he wishes. They don’t have his phone number anymore but they email him. My dad got him a new phone because his mom would call him and berate him and guilt him. It seemed like every conversation with her set him back two steps. She still knows how to crush him sadly. I wish she didn’t have that power over him.
He’s dating a girl and I’m scared she might hurt him (break his heart) but my dad is more encouraging of that and has to remind me to not over protect him. J has become very close with my mom. He drives her grocery shopping and enjoys doing that stuff with her. My dad taught him how to drive in one week. He is about to go take his driving test for his DL, he’s still on a learner’s permit.
There are a lot of positive things going on but progress is very slow and sometimes it’s like watching a clock. It just seems like he’s standing still in terms of anxiety and depression. I can’t say too much about all that’s going on but I can say that my parents have an attorney and are going through the adoption process.
Law enforcement is now involved because some of the physical abuse is more recent than I thought. He has a few scars and he has broken bones that never healed properly cause he never got medical attention. Protection orders are likely to be granted. If they are, then according to the investigators charges will almost be inevitable.
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